My husband has been gone for 5 complete days now. For the first couple days I suddenly felt very abandoned. The funny thing is that I never felt abandoned by my husband, I felt abandoned by everyone else!! All of our friends knew that he was leaving, and I received no phone calls or texts or facebook messages... I was really sad. My mom and I chatted online, and Andrew's parents called me and texted me to make sure I was ok and get updates on their son. But that was it. I even tried calling a few close friends and they didn't answer, which immediately made me feel worse, like they didn't even want to talk to me. I was probably annoying them while they were doing something much more fun than consoling a hormonal, lonely, pregnant girl.
But a few days went by and I did get a few text messages. I also put flannel sheets on the bed, went grocery shopping, did our taxes, and dropped a bunch of crap off at Goodwill. I had to clean the house since Andrew and I spent time doing fun stuff on his last few days. I almost want to leave his dirty uniform on the floor :) makes it seem like he is still here. Other than that I've been using music to keep me busy. I did an open mic on Thursday and played a very last minute show on Friday. Both went well but I definitely want to start making MONEY.
Yesterday was a little hard for me though. I started thinking about giving birth, which I try to avoid doing because it makes me sad knowing that I probably won't get to share that moment with my husband. And makes me a little bit angry thinking about how someone else might get to share it with me, but they could never appreciate it the way that Andrew would. I feel like he is the only person in the world who really deserves to be there with me. I talked to my mom because I've been unsure on whether or not she's willing to help me, or to what extent... We talked and I realize that as much as she wants to be, she is not someone that I can count on when the time comes. So I'm going to have to improvise, which lucky for me, I am pretty good at.
I've been worried about SO many things. Who is going to drive me to the hospital once I go into labor? How will I get home from the hospital with my baby if someone drops me off there? Who do I choose to be in the delivery room with me if my husband can't be there? And today I just had this beautiful thought and I decided, I don't care!!! I don't care how I get to the hospital! 911 is my last resort and I'm not afraid to use it. And I don't care how I get home! My family is busy but I'm sure they'll find time to visit me in the hospital and help me figure out a way to bring baby home. And this changes frequently, but as of right now, I don't want anyone in the delivery room with me! Just doctors and maybe someone to take a couple pictures. As long as I get to hold my healthy baby in the end, I refuse to let anything else stress me out. Its not like no one has done this before. There are plenty of military wives that get stuck in places far from family, and have to deliver alone. And if they can do it, I can do it. Heck, with all the experience I've gained of successfully doing new things by myself, I can probably do it better!
Today I am 25 weeks along. I read online that at 25 weeks, babies are likely to survive if they're born premature because their lungs are developed enough to breathe!! The most premature baby to be born and live was only 21 weeks and 6 days old. This is amazing news to me. It warms my heart to know that I'm that far along. Its hard for me sometimes because I don't have a huge belly like most women do at this stage and it makes me feel like I'm not that pregnant. It also makes me understand the show "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant". My next appointment with my midwife is on Valentines Day. The day after my birthday!! It makes me so happy, like I have a Valentine's Day date with my little man.
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