My husband has been gone for 5 complete days now. For the first couple days I suddenly felt very abandoned. The funny thing is that I never felt abandoned by my husband, I felt abandoned by everyone else!! All of our friends knew that he was leaving, and I received no phone calls or texts or facebook messages... I was really sad. My mom and I chatted online, and Andrew's parents called me and texted me to make sure I was ok and get updates on their son. But that was it. I even tried calling a few close friends and they didn't answer, which immediately made me feel worse, like they didn't even want to talk to me. I was probably annoying them while they were doing something much more fun than consoling a hormonal, lonely, pregnant girl.
But a few days went by and I did get a few text messages. I also put flannel sheets on the bed, went grocery shopping, did our taxes, and dropped a bunch of crap off at Goodwill. I had to clean the house since Andrew and I spent time doing fun stuff on his last few days. I almost want to leave his dirty uniform on the floor :) makes it seem like he is still here. Other than that I've been using music to keep me busy. I did an open mic on Thursday and played a very last minute show on Friday. Both went well but I definitely want to start making MONEY.
Yesterday was a little hard for me though. I started thinking about giving birth, which I try to avoid doing because it makes me sad knowing that I probably won't get to share that moment with my husband. And makes me a little bit angry thinking about how someone else might get to share it with me, but they could never appreciate it the way that Andrew would. I feel like he is the only person in the world who really deserves to be there with me. I talked to my mom because I've been unsure on whether or not she's willing to help me, or to what extent... We talked and I realize that as much as she wants to be, she is not someone that I can count on when the time comes. So I'm going to have to improvise, which lucky for me, I am pretty good at.
I've been worried about SO many things. Who is going to drive me to the hospital once I go into labor? How will I get home from the hospital with my baby if someone drops me off there? Who do I choose to be in the delivery room with me if my husband can't be there? And today I just had this beautiful thought and I decided, I don't care!!! I don't care how I get to the hospital! 911 is my last resort and I'm not afraid to use it. And I don't care how I get home! My family is busy but I'm sure they'll find time to visit me in the hospital and help me figure out a way to bring baby home. And this changes frequently, but as of right now, I don't want anyone in the delivery room with me! Just doctors and maybe someone to take a couple pictures. As long as I get to hold my healthy baby in the end, I refuse to let anything else stress me out. Its not like no one has done this before. There are plenty of military wives that get stuck in places far from family, and have to deliver alone. And if they can do it, I can do it. Heck, with all the experience I've gained of successfully doing new things by myself, I can probably do it better!
Today I am 25 weeks along. I read online that at 25 weeks, babies are likely to survive if they're born premature because their lungs are developed enough to breathe!! The most premature baby to be born and live was only 21 weeks and 6 days old. This is amazing news to me. It warms my heart to know that I'm that far along. Its hard for me sometimes because I don't have a huge belly like most women do at this stage and it makes me feel like I'm not that pregnant. It also makes me understand the show "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant". My next appointment with my midwife is on Valentines Day. The day after my birthday!! It makes me so happy, like I have a Valentine's Day date with my little man.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
why do they call us "dependents" again?
Today is the first day of my husband's deployment, and I am strangely calm about our situation. If you'd asked me a week ago what today would be like, I would never have guessed that I would be sitting on the couch, watching tv shows about babies and chatting online with my mom, like I normally would if my husband was at work on a regular day. I imagined a much mopier me, with runny mascara, a huge frown, and a mouth full of Ben & Jerry's.
I really thought that saying goodbye would be one of the hardest things we'd have to do in this deployment, and if I'm right, this isn't going to be so bad. I dropped my husband off this morning around 5AM and our goodbye was eased with reminders that I would get to talk to him again very soon. That's not how deployments normally work, but since the boat that my husband will be working on left San Diego over a month ago, today will be a day of flying, not ...cruising (I think thats what they call it). He is flying to meet the boat at a port overseas, so he will be able to call me a couple times today until he gets to his final destination.
I could not be more thankful for my husband. He works so hard and puts all of his effort into what he does! He is one of the few people out there that can do anything because he is willing to work extremely hard to get whatever he wants. And so far its definitely paid off! Its amazing how much growing up we have done in the past few years together. I feel like all the people that havent seen me within the past two years, don't even know me anymore. Even the people who knew Drew and I when we started dating couldn't possibly understand how far we've come emotionally and financially since we got married. Which all leads me to the conclusion that couples who are extremely confident about their relationships are probably WAY more likely to survive deployments together (along with other difficult times that are sure to come).
There are so many articles on how military marriages have higher divorce rates than civilian marriages. They say its because women marry for money, and because military members tend to marry younger, and because the long deployments are too much for these weak relationships. For some reason I feel like I can laugh at all these statistics and all the people who immediately stereotype young military wives as soon-to-be divorced gold diggers.
Its also funny to me because I've met so many strong women who are in very happy relationships. In fact, most of the military wives I know are dealing with deployment right now. I think what most people don't think about is the fact that when our husbands are gone, we have to be two people! We have to do everything for ourselves and everything for our husbands. We pay all the bills and credit cards, we take care of the house, we take care of the vehicles, we sign what needs to be signed, we make ALL the decisions of the household! The wives that can successfully manage all of this and still have a stress relieving hobby or two are the strongest, most independent women you will ever meet! Besides, we are the ones keeping all those service members happy (your welcome for indirectly serving this lovely country).
Ok, so I went off on a tangent. Back to how I feel about this deployment... I am ok with this! I can do this! We were given enough time to prepare this (and I think we used it wisely) and we were given information on helpful resources in case we do need it.
Keep in mind, I do have extra mood-swing-causing hormones thanks to pregnancy and a tendency to feel sad when I get too bored, so yes, my opinion on this deployment could very possibly change in an instant. But as for now, Drew and I are both confident that this will just be another event in our marriage that we can conquer and call ourselves stronger for getting through.
Wish me luck!
I really thought that saying goodbye would be one of the hardest things we'd have to do in this deployment, and if I'm right, this isn't going to be so bad. I dropped my husband off this morning around 5AM and our goodbye was eased with reminders that I would get to talk to him again very soon. That's not how deployments normally work, but since the boat that my husband will be working on left San Diego over a month ago, today will be a day of flying, not ...cruising (I think thats what they call it). He is flying to meet the boat at a port overseas, so he will be able to call me a couple times today until he gets to his final destination.
I could not be more thankful for my husband. He works so hard and puts all of his effort into what he does! He is one of the few people out there that can do anything because he is willing to work extremely hard to get whatever he wants. And so far its definitely paid off! Its amazing how much growing up we have done in the past few years together. I feel like all the people that havent seen me within the past two years, don't even know me anymore. Even the people who knew Drew and I when we started dating couldn't possibly understand how far we've come emotionally and financially since we got married. Which all leads me to the conclusion that couples who are extremely confident about their relationships are probably WAY more likely to survive deployments together (along with other difficult times that are sure to come).
There are so many articles on how military marriages have higher divorce rates than civilian marriages. They say its because women marry for money, and because military members tend to marry younger, and because the long deployments are too much for these weak relationships. For some reason I feel like I can laugh at all these statistics and all the people who immediately stereotype young military wives as soon-to-be divorced gold diggers.
Its also funny to me because I've met so many strong women who are in very happy relationships. In fact, most of the military wives I know are dealing with deployment right now. I think what most people don't think about is the fact that when our husbands are gone, we have to be two people! We have to do everything for ourselves and everything for our husbands. We pay all the bills and credit cards, we take care of the house, we take care of the vehicles, we sign what needs to be signed, we make ALL the decisions of the household! The wives that can successfully manage all of this and still have a stress relieving hobby or two are the strongest, most independent women you will ever meet! Besides, we are the ones keeping all those service members happy (your welcome for indirectly serving this lovely country).
Ok, so I went off on a tangent. Back to how I feel about this deployment... I am ok with this! I can do this! We were given enough time to prepare this (and I think we used it wisely) and we were given information on helpful resources in case we do need it.
Keep in mind, I do have extra mood-swing-causing hormones thanks to pregnancy and a tendency to feel sad when I get too bored, so yes, my opinion on this deployment could very possibly change in an instant. But as for now, Drew and I are both confident that this will just be another event in our marriage that we can conquer and call ourselves stronger for getting through.
Wish me luck!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
My Current Adventures...
Many big new things are happening in my life right now. I've been married for a year and a half now. My husband, Andrew, and I just moved from Charleston, South Carolina, to San Diego, CA. We are very glad to be back in Southern California, since we met and got married just an hour and a half north of here. So this was our second cross country move. And it was even more complicated than the first because my husband had temporary duty in Connecticut for almost three months. For most of the time that he was in Connecticut, I was in California looking for a good place to start renting (the base housing in San Diego isn't as good as it was in Charleston so we decided to look elsewhere), finding venues and coffee shops to play at (I'm a singer/songwriter), and also finding a good doctor for myself. Why do I need a good doctor? I'm pregnant! And if that doesnt complicate things, then I don't know what does!
I stayed with my parents while house hunting and dealing with the fatigue and nausea of pregnancy's first trimester. Amazingly enough, it took me less than a month to find the PERFECT (or nearly at least somewhat perfect) place for us to live. It had all the main things we wanted; three bedrooms, attached garage, laundry hook-ups, and it wasnt in an appartment complex! We were approved to start renting right away.
But I still had to switch my health insurance and find a doctor and all that. And when you're a navy wife with military health insurance, NO ONE to tell you what to do, and raging preggo hormones, it can be quite difficult. But after 2 months of leaving about a hundred voicemails all over Balboa's hospital, someone decided to call me back and help me set up an appointment. It was all pretty frustrating, but I now have a midwife and am getting great prenatal care.
I had no furniture and no husband in my new home in San Diego, so I flew to Connecticut and stayed with my husband in a navy hotel for a month. It was great, I took lots of naps, played wii (we bought one while we were there), and was able to catch a prenatal fitness class, where I met some other preggo navy wives.
So far I've only been to two different places in San Diego that have open mic nights. I've done them each twice and met some local musicians that I really like. I am actually scheduled to play a show with a couple local musicians on the 22nd of this month. Maybe I will blog about it later. Anyway, there is a lot of talent out here but I feel like I fit in quite well so far. Hopefully I can get a couple paid gigs before this baby comes. I don't feel like getting a "real" job. Especially since I am nearly 5 months along now and I am starting to show. Who wants to hire someone knowing they're going to quit in 4 months?
Anyway, that pretty much sums up what is going on in my life right now. Expect to see more on deployment, music, and baby Henry, in the near future.
I stayed with my parents while house hunting and dealing with the fatigue and nausea of pregnancy's first trimester. Amazingly enough, it took me less than a month to find the PERFECT (or nearly at least somewhat perfect) place for us to live. It had all the main things we wanted; three bedrooms, attached garage, laundry hook-ups, and it wasnt in an appartment complex! We were approved to start renting right away.
But I still had to switch my health insurance and find a doctor and all that. And when you're a navy wife with military health insurance, NO ONE to tell you what to do, and raging preggo hormones, it can be quite difficult. But after 2 months of leaving about a hundred voicemails all over Balboa's hospital, someone decided to call me back and help me set up an appointment. It was all pretty frustrating, but I now have a midwife and am getting great prenatal care.
I had no furniture and no husband in my new home in San Diego, so I flew to Connecticut and stayed with my husband in a navy hotel for a month. It was great, I took lots of naps, played wii (we bought one while we were there), and was able to catch a prenatal fitness class, where I met some other preggo navy wives.
So far I've only been to two different places in San Diego that have open mic nights. I've done them each twice and met some local musicians that I really like. I am actually scheduled to play a show with a couple local musicians on the 22nd of this month. Maybe I will blog about it later. Anyway, there is a lot of talent out here but I feel like I fit in quite well so far. Hopefully I can get a couple paid gigs before this baby comes. I don't feel like getting a "real" job. Especially since I am nearly 5 months along now and I am starting to show. Who wants to hire someone knowing they're going to quit in 4 months?
Anyway, that pretty much sums up what is going on in my life right now. Expect to see more on deployment, music, and baby Henry, in the near future.
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